Thoughts on Fighting Against Despair…
Spiritual Strength Again Suicidal Thoughts (and Despair)…Try to understand that God loves you, and that perhaps your current disposition is a sign that He is waiting for you to turn to Him. Do so, and you will feel real strength and security under the protection of His love.
Go to church. Possibly, when you take that path, you will encounter various temptations, and obstacles will stand in your way. Overcome them. Turn in prayer to the Mother of God, who is our merciful intercessor before her Divine Son. She always heeds the prayers of those who are suffering, and quickly comes to their aid. Pray to her not only in church, but anywhere you feel the need. It is essential that you come to Confession, for already after your first Confession, you may experience relief from your deep sorrow. If relief does not come immediately, do not despair, for it will surely come later.
Despair is nothing but a road to nowhere, and it is Satan that drives us to despair. Suicide is the direct and unambiguous path to the abysses of Hell, to eternal torment, compared to which your current state will seem to you as heavenly bliss. Believe me, that road is not an option for you; you do not need to go there. Turn to God, and you will begin to see the world in a different perspective. God is waiting for you, and with Him joy in life awaits you.
– ‘Parish Life’ of Russian Orthodox Cathedral of St John the Baptist